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recognizing patterns - what do i want now? [Mar. 12th, 2009|12:56 pm]
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i’m sitting at my desk at work, going through my OS. it occurred to me that i continually go through “waves” of refreshing my computers with a clean start … to building my options with tools and interesting applications … and trying out new file management methods … until, eventually, i have an annoyingly cluttered mess, and i need to refresh again.

looks just like what happens in my room.

i imagine that it possibly happened in some of my past relationships too. (ponder ponder)

so, my thought branched to something i consciously decided several years ago when considering my personal state and what i wanted in life. i determined that i lacked one thing i needed more than anything else, confidence. my personality was “nice” but lame without confidence, and that disabled my interactions with others. i wanted to be recognized with more respect, to have the attitude that could get me whatever else i wanted. ……. fast forward, and i have it, and it’s good for me even if i may occasionally come across as an asshole.

then, now what? … what’s the next step that i choose and begin to build? i looked through my files again and my cluttered room and my hobbies and my many unpolished skills, and i instantly knew i needed focus. i know a little about alot, and i’m all for that, but i’m deciding to shift now towards fewer, more concentrated paths. what are these going to be? i have an idea, and i’m watching with all of this in mind. this will be the end of this cycle of the wave. clean out and refresh.


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